You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
