I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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