Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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