I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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