All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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