I am puke
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
