I think i sorta joined a cult last night
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
