Someone shit on the floor
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
well you can't waste a boner
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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