Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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