dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
