Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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