you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
