Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
