I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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