Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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