I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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