Is it normal to miss your booty call?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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