Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
