she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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