I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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