He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
