Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
