some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
