Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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