i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
