oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
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