My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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