The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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