when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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