So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"