oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!