I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.