what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?