FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.