i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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