Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
