Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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