I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
