you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
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i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize