go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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