I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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