i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
