Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
