So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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