I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize