either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
