If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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