I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
