Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
