you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
being pregnant is like rehab
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Shame - the story of my life.
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