he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
