At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
