My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
