New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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