You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
