I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
