i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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