pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
