The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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