I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
