Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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