New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
