Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize