peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
