He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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