just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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