so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
