I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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