what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
