Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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