I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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