i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
