If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
