So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
