dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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