Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
