Those balls look pretty dangerous.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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