Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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