dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
