i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
