If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
