I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
