Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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