Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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