Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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