I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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